February 8th, 2010


Conflict IV: Defense Mechanisms In Writing

I have discussed a lot with you guys. First I talked about the difference between Interpersonal (conflict with others) and Intrapersonal (conflict within self) conflict. Then I talked about avoidance. I let you in on a secret. Just because you don’t say anything doesn’t mean you side step conflict and consequences. Last time I discussed defense mechanisms. They are these lovely little internal voices (sometimes so below a whisper we don’t know they are there) that help us face anxiety provoking events. When used sparingly and appropriately, DM’s help us focus on important information and make important decisions. However, when they are used regularly or too quickly, they may increase tension and lead to conflicts.


Some asked to see some of the DM’s in action. So I’m using a standard example: a glass left on a kitchen counter. You will see how two college roommates deal with the situation.



Liz woke up, stumbled into the kitchen and groaned. At some point in the night, Maddie came home and left her glass on the counter . . . again. And now orange juice stained the bottom of the glass. This was not the first time Maddie had left her dishes around the house. As her frustration simmered, she took a deep breath. Maddie was a good roommate. They agreed on a number of things. What’s major about a dish left on the counter every now and then? Things could be worse, way worse. Plus, Maddie worked long hours and was taking hard classes. She put the glass in the dishwasher.


Fast forward one month . . .

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Weekend Recap

I’ll hit the highlights of my weekend.  First, the food (I’m all about prioritizing).


Friday:             PM:     Ethiopian at Queen of Sheba’s in the city. Yummo!!

Saturday:         AM:     Mediterranean Quiche w/ herbed crust (Yes, I made it)

                                    English Muffins with my homemade Cranberry-Applebutter.

                        PM:     Thai at Sweet Basil in my town.

Carrot and Italian Crème cake from Nonna’s in the city (Yes, two cakes; they’re miniatures)

Sunday:           AM:     Leftover Quiche

                        PM:     Leftover Thai

                        PM:     Margherita Pizza from sports bar in town.

                                    my Perfect Oatmeal Cookies (per my cousin’s request)

Monday:          AM:     Crepes with caramelized pears (I only sacrificed one crepe to the stove god. I’ve got the flipping thing down to an art.)

                                    Leftover quiche (it’s all gone)


Friday night I laughed soooo hard at the restaurant. And of course I had to say one of the funniest things of the night. The next day, my friend texted me and said she was still laughing about my deadpan comment. Let’s just say we (six girls) all shared stories about the sexual habits of our pets. Yes, girls can be just as vulgar as guys.


Saturday morning my cousin worked on homework (she’s working on a master’s in computer something or nother) and I hung out with TC characters. Then we went shopping. Saturday night we braved the bitter cold OK wind and went to Bricktown. I wanted cake. She wanted to see the “riverwalk.” If any of you have been to San Antonio’s riverwalk, get that image in mind. Got it? Okay. Shave off about . . . ten miles. Take away 90% of the shops. Make the river narrower. See it? Great. You can now say you’ve seen the riverwalk in OKC.  To end the day, we watched Pride and Prejudice (the Keira Knightly version), because she had never seen it. I love, I love, I love Mr. Darcy.


Sunday we went to church. She met more of my friends and we heard a great message. She saved my computer from its first virus ever while I made cookies. Then we went to the library, where she met more of my friends. I did some quick research for TC. Oh, we went shopping . . . again.


Monday, she slept in. I wrote a post. We watched one of our favorite movies, Coming to America. I took her to the airport. Weekend over!


Tuesday, back to reality. I’ll be 36. Closer to 40 than 30. Salude!