June 18th, 2010


Friday Five: Top Five Memories of Guidance

5. Italian Crème Cake Bliss.  During staff meeting everyone was talking and laughing . . . then I served the cake.  Everyone’s eyes glazed over.  Low moans of pleasure filled the air. Then silence.  A blissful silence.  Mary Ann asked me: “Does this frosting have a drug in it?” I said, “I did use a white powdery substance.”

4. The Bend and Snap.  Holly, Aubrey (our clinic director) and I went to lunch. The night before someone had made a comment about the movie Legally Blonde on the message board of my online writing class. I discussed the comment and then Holly and I acted out scenes from the movie. We got Aubrey (male, mid 50’s, and very private) to join our re-enactment of the Bend and Snap scene.   Aubrey did an EXCELLENT bend and snap. (See movie clip below for bend and snap.)


3. Why is Dick a nickname for Richard?  During a staff meeting Chris discussed a client with an unfortunate name like Robert Robertson.  Everyone shared an unfortunate name they had come across. There were many, but the one that led to the FUNNY detour was mine: “How unfortunate that the #1 testing instrument in psychology is called the Woodcock-Johnson.”  That name led to this question:  Why is Dick the nickname for Richard? “Google will have an answer,” I said.  Here is the most comprehensive answer: www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2030/what-came-first-dick-or-dick

2. The “Roaming Gnome/Cap” Prank. I won a sparkly and trendy and great cap at a Dirty Santa gift exchange. I took it to the Holiday Party at work the next day and everyone watched me, eyes full of envy. When I wasn’t looking, someone stole my cap. Devastated, I turned to my friends for support. They were suddenly absent. I left the party and searched for them, peeking in offices and roaming the hallways. Then I heard familiar laughter.  It seeped into the hallway, taunting me, guiding me . . . to Chris’s office door. I heard her talking to Holly behind the office door. I knocked. They refused to let me in. I told Mary Ann , “We work with thieves.”  She said, “Sometimes adults can be childish.” Thirty minutes later, Chris and Holly surfaced and showed me pictures of my cap on: puppets we use for a social skills group, pictures hanging in the hallway, and various staff members (including Mary Ann--two minutes after I told her about the theft.)  I had to find the cap,using the information in the pictures. I LOVE a good prank. (I love payback more. For two days I stole the light bulbs from Holly’s lamp. I hid Chris’s new Blackberry. (I gave the cap to Chris a few days later.))

1. Cell Phones and Brain Cancer:  During a staff meeting, I mentioned that NPR discussed research that had found a small link between brain cancer and cell phone use. Mary Ann, who has gone through more cell phones than the Kleenexes used in a reading group dedicated to Nicholas Sparks, said, “What? But I keep my phone in my back pocket. I don’t want to get butt cancer.”


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